FREDDY-THE-LOSER

This week’s tidbit is entitled—

“But It Was A Sure Thing !”

On a tip from his broker, after several weeks of watching the spread between a wildly bouncing stock and its soon-to-expire warrant, my preverbal friend Freddy-the-loser, cashed in his CDs and spouting, “It’s like shooting duck in a barrel!” jumped in—

He bought a bundle of the stock at 10 and sold “short” an equal bundle of its warrants—exercisable at 15—at 5—

With Freddy aboard, stock and warrant took off like two bucking broncos. Finally, after surviving a triple bypass —missing his daughter’s wedding—and a score of near-fatal bouts with blood pressure and mini-strokes, the witching hour drew near—the stock nicely sitting at 12, and its warrant had but a week to live. Six days in, chest pains returned—the warrant was rising!—the stock sinking!

With three days to go the warrant is sitting (unbelievably) at 6 and the stock at 9!

Now losing a million on both ends, grasping his broker’s lapel, gasping Freddy screeches out to him, “What shall I do!”

Stymied and stuttering, the broker shrugged, “I -I told ya it had a thin market. Some son-of-a-bitch has cornered it!

Clutching his chest, with one final gasp, an hour before his warrants, Freddy expired! 

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